Rhyming songs from a 1980s childhood

Just thought I'd share some silly songs. They were naughty kid songs I remember, though some of them really aren't appropriate for children:


CeeCee my playmate, come out and play with me
and bring your dollies three
climb up my apple tree.
Slide down my rainbow in through my cellar doors
and we'll be jolly friends, forever more, more
shut that door!




Hello Mother, Hello Father, I've been smoking marijuana.
Crack is good, cocaine is better. Please send money with my letter.

Miss Susie had a baby, she named him Tiny Tim,
she stuck him in the bathtub to see if he could swim.
He drank up all the water, he ate up all the soap,
he tried to swallow the bathtub, but it wouldn't go down his throat.
Miss Susie called the doctor
the doctor called the nurse
the nurse called the lady with the alligator purse, purse, purse.
"Measles," said the doctor
"Mumps," said the nurse
"Pizza," said the lady with the alligator purse.

Miss Susie had a tugboat, the tugboat had a bell (ding, ding)
Miss Susie went to heaven, the steamboat went to hell-
-o operator, please give me number nine.
If you disconnect me I'll chop off your behind
the fridgerator there was a piece of glass,
Miss Susie sat upon it and cut her little ass-
-k me no more questions, I'll tell you no more lies
the girls are in the bathroom, the boys are zipping up their
flies are in the country, bees are in the park
Miss Susie and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K
D-A-R-K D-A-R-K, dark dark dark.
The dark is like the movies,
the movie's like a show,
a show is like some television
and that is all I know know know
I know my Mama, I know I know my Pa,
I know I know my sister wears a polka dot bra.

Popeye the sailor man
lives in a garbage can
he turned on the heater and blew off his wiener
he's Popeye the sailor man.

The Grand Old Duke of York
he had ten thousand men
he marched them up a hill
then he marched them down again.
And when you're up, you're up
and when you're down, you're down
and when you're only halfway up
you're neither up nor down.

Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony
stuck a feather in his cap, and called it macaroni.

Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a turkey
stuck a feather up its butt, and called it turkey jerky.

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Here's my rhyming song, "Five Little Men In A Flying Saucer." It's based off a patch of song I heard on "Wire In the Blood," when his daughter is singing to him. I had to fill in the parts that I didn't know, and this is the result.

Five little men in a flying saucer
came down to Earth one day.
They took a look left, they took a look right,
but there was nothing that made them want to stay.
So the little flying saucer flew away,
the little flying sauce flew away,
away, away, the little flying saucer flew away,
the little flying saucer flew away.

Four little men in a flying saucer
came down to Earth one day.
They took a look left, they took a look right,
but there was nothing that made them want to stay.
So the little flying saucer flew away,
the little flying sauce flew away,
away, away, the little flying saucer flew away,
the little flying saucer flew away.


Three little men in a flying saucer
came down to Earth one day.
They took a look left, they took a look right,
but there was nothing that made them want to stay.
So the little flying saucer flew away,
the little flying sauce flew away,
away, away, the little flying saucer flew away,
the little flying saucer flew away.

Two little men in a flying saucer
came down to Earth one day.
They took a look left, they took a look right,
but there was nothing that made them want to stay.
So the little flying saucer flew away,
the little flying sauce flew away,
away, away, the little flying saucer flew away,
the little flying saucer flew away.


One little man in a flying saucer
came down to Earth one day.
He took a look left, he took a look right,
but there was nothing that made him want to stay.
So the little flying saucer flew away,
the little flying sauce flew away,
away, away, the little flying saucer flew away,
the little flying saucer flew away.

No little man in a flying saucer
came down to Earth one day.
He didn't look left, he didn't look right,
and he certainly didn't stay to play.