RAW: Tuesday Night, by Sol Crafter (1/?) [superhero novel, mm romance]

Title: Tuesday Night

Author: Sol Crafter

Genre: superhero, mm romance

Rating: adult
Warnings: mm, mf, rough talk, violence

Summary: What if "Pulse of the City" never happened? What if the dead stayed dead and Tony was left to just keep on living?

TUESDAY NIGHT

By Sol Crafter

Sometimes the loneliness ate away at him like a cancer. It made him writhe and scream and more than anything he wanted everything to be okay again. But that so rarely happened in real life.

He cried himself to sleep on the nights like those, depressed and gray and so horrible it made him writhe in misery. With every breath he took, he got farther and farther away from his center, becoming something else.

Her name beat the sound of his heart: Ashley. The only girl he had or would ever love.

When he got too melodramatic, Sunfire would toss something at him and tell him to "Get over it. I know it's hard, but she's gone and you're still here. You need to live."

And it would be like someone had hit a switch deep inside and he would suddenly come back alive again. It was as though he'd been given the permission he needed to hear to be able to get past the death of her.

Loss was a swirling vortex beneath his feet trying to pull him down. He would fight it for awhile, but there was no way he was going to be able to withstand such force for very long. So one day he would slip and down he would go into the depths that only despair could take him, and who knew what would happen then? What could total loss get him to do?

Tony had to be grateful that Sunfire always seemed to show up just when he was losing control of himself. And just having his friend around lightened the pressure on him, seeming to give him the air he needed to breathe.

Sunfire made him feel that everything was going to be all right, if not immediately, in the future at least.

They played video games and watched movies and Sunfire never seemed to mind when Tony just wasn't in the mood to talk. He just seemed to make allowances in their relationship for times when Tony would be silently moody.

It was kind of funny how such a tragedy could have led to him realizing just how great a friend Sunfire actually was. Always before he had just thought the man was kind of irresponsible. The kind of guy that would forget a birthday and would never be around when he was really needed.

Tony had had his eyes pried open when he realized just how thoughtful a guy Sunfire really was. Sure, he said dumb stuff sometimes, but he always remembered a promise and he always seemed to know what to say and what not to say. It was actually pretty great.

But sometimes Tony wanted something more. He wanted the warmth of physical sensation. He wanted to bury himself balls deep in moist heat and let go of everything that had ever troubled him. Even if it wasn't for forever, he just needed that little bit of breathing room.

Which is how Tony found himself lounging on the couch in the common living area with Solar writhing in his lap, rubbing her naked breasts against his lips.

He'd never really had that much of a fondness for Solar--she was a little too chirpy for his tastes--but it had been a long time since he'd had anyone to hold onto. So he just shrugged his mental shoulders and set about making love to her.

She made a high, keening noise in the back of her throat as he tongued her pussy. He had to use close to his full strength to keep her flexing thighs from crushing his head.

She was probably one of those chicks that could only make love to another metahuman. Anyone normal, she would probably kill in the heat of passion, which he figured was probably a real deal breaker.

He had to consciously activate his ability. If he didn't do it, he was just a normal human. Which sucked during surprise attacks, but meant that he could have a normal life where he didn't have to worry about accidentally killing someone.

A meta like Solar didn't have the option of shutting her ability off. It was always there, and the people around her were all so fragile that one slip up could be a tragedy.

He didn't really enjoy that he had to hold her back from crushing him. It kind of took away from his enjoyment in the situation.

Ashley had only had normal human strength, so he'd never had to worry about her losing control. As long as she didn't let one of her sonic vocalizations off in his face, there was no chance she would really be able to hurt him.

With Solar he didn't have any kind of guarantee.

Solar came with a ululating moan, then flopped sideways in a curve. Her legs were still splayed wide, her sex shiny and wet from his saliva and her own natural juices. Her belly shivered with her shuddering breaths.

"You're kind of beautiful like this," he said.

She blinked heavy-lidded eyes at him. A catlike smile curved her swollen lips and her tongue flicked out for a second. Her white blond hair had flopped over one eye. She looked wild and wanton.

Tony got up from between her legs to walk toward the bathroom.

So it was just his luck that the elevator door entrance slipped open and Sunfire walked in.

Sunfire dropped the bags he was carrying and his mouth flopped open in surprise. His black sunglasses slipped down his nose as he stared over the top. "Y-y-you're totally naked."

"Yeah." Tony dropped his hands in front of his crotch. "Sorry you had to get such an eyeful. I wasn't expecting anyone to be here for a couple more hours."

"S-so you want me to leave and come back later?" Sunfire asked.

Tony shrugged, then nodded. "Yeah. Do you think you can do that for me?"

Sunfire's mouth closed with a snap, then he picked up his shopping bags and put them neatly together by the door. "I will be back to put these away later," he said briskly, looking anywhere but at Tony. "Make sure you disinfect the couch and anywhere else you've been."

Tony couldn't help laughing. "I promise."

"Hmph," Sunfire snorted, then walked right back into the elevator. "I'll see you later."

"See you!" Tony called as the elevator doors shut. He caught Sunfire's eye and for a minute he thought he saw hurt feelings there, but it must have been a trick of the light.

He shook his head and continued his walk to the bathroom. He still had to pee and probably get some wash cloths to clean Solar up with.

Ashley had taught him to be thoughtful.

When he came back with a couple of damp face towels in his hands, he was kind of surprised to see that Solar hadn't moved. She was still sprawled bonelessly on the couch, her legs still splayed wide so he could get a good view of her exposed sex.

She'd looked sexy and beautiful while in the throes of passion, but now, in the cold light of sanity, he couldn't help feeling bad for her.

If there was one thing he'd learned since Ashley's death, it was how to read the level of sincerity someone expressed. Which had led to him realizing that Solar had really strong feelings for him, like actual love feelings, which was way beyond the crush he'd just thought she'd had.

All he'd ever felt for her were the emotions of an older brother. But now she was growing up and she wanted more from him than he thought he was willing to give.

Except loneliness and desperation had eaten away at his scruples and he'd let himself do something he probably should regret.

And that was why he felt bad for her. Because she was so insignificant to him that he didn't even feel guilty about taking advantage of her. In fact, he didn't even feel bad at all. She was so pathetic that he didn't have it in him to really even care that he was taking her innocence away from her.

He should have hated the thought of being a user, but all he wanted right now was something to fill the awful emptiness at his core. The place where Ashley had been ripped from his heart in one act of mindless violence.

"Hey, I brought these," he said, holding up the towels.

She opened one eye to look at him dolefully for a moment, then closed it and moved her head a little to the side, turning her neck into a long stretch of tendon.

"What's wrong?" he asked. He took one of the cloths and began wiping her body clean.

"You're not really into me," Solar said.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

Her large gray eyes opened to look at him. He felt as though he'd been stabbed in the chest. "I'm not stupid," she said. "I can tell that you don't really like me. And I like you enough that it doesn't matter to me."

"I'm sorry," he said, not knowing what else to say.

She smiled, though it wasn't a happy expression. "It's all right. I'm a big girl."

Tony chewed on his lower lip for a minute, then handed her the other towel he held. "Here, I want to get dressed. It was pretty awkward having Sunfire walk in."

He picked up his clothes and began pulling them back on. He could feel her looking at him, and it wasn't as pleasant an experience as it had seemed before.

He just felt like he'd made a big mistake.

Solar gave a bitter sounding laugh and stood up with exquisite grace. "I'm gonna go take a shower," she said, "why don't you do whatever it is you do?"

"Okay," he said dumbly.

He watched her leave the room, completely unselfconscious in her nakedness. She was beautifully formed, tiny and pale with legs that seemed to go on forever, or maybe just until they reached the floor.

Tony finished zipping his pants, then stumbled over to one of the recliners. He didn't want to sit on the couch where they had just had their assignation.

He flopped down on the leather chair and gave a heavy sigh.

He'd thought that having sex with her would somehow make him feel better, but that hadn't been the case. He still felt empty inside, drained of everything that had made his life worth living.

"Ashley," he whispered, tasting tears he refused to let fall. He cradled his head in his hands, hunching his shoulders small.

She'd been dead for nearly a year and it still felt as fresh and horrible as when he'd seen her limp and broken body cradled in her father's arms. There'd been so much blood and bruised flesh that he hadn't recognized her at first, until all of a sudden she was all that he saw. It was like some strange optical illusion, everything just clicking into sudden, horrible clarity.

"Ashley," he repeated, just the sound of her name bringing him a terrible pain in his chest.

* * *

She'd never planned on their ever feeling regrets, but that was exactly what was flooding through her. No guilt, just the horror of disillusioned dreams.

Carrie scrubbed her body clean, wiping away every trace of him. The water was hot enough to burn her tender flesh, but she didn't even care.

From the minute she'd first seen him, she'd been sure that he was everything she ever wanted, but now she knew she had made one of the worst mistakes of her life. Not that there was anything she could do about it now, not with Ashley firmly in the grave.

I highly doubt her dad's going to accept me just saying "Whoops." There's no way he would ever let it go if he ever suspected what I did, she thought.

She curled her lip and rinsed all the shampoo from her blond hair.

Regrets were for losers, and there was no way she was ever going to fall into that trap.

As long as she pretended that everything was all right, eventually her lies would become the truth and everyone would forget about Sonic Pulse and her lonely grave. And Carrie would never have to feel sorry.

Opening her mouth in a silent scream, she allowed herself one single moment of complete despair. Then she shut off the water, wrapped a towel around her body, and stepped out of the shower with perfect aplomb, her bare toes flexing against the nubby mat.

She calmly dried off before pulling on her pale blue robe and leaving the bathroom.

She didn't even glance toward the living room as she padded down the hallway toward her bedroom. It was attached to Nathan's, something he'd insisted on. He was completely paranoid that something was going to happen to her, which was utterly ridiculous.

If anyone tried anything she didn't like, she would have no problem crushing every bone in his or her body. It was all about respect.

TBC...